For dealing with your parents, if they are paying for something, compromise will be your new best friend. If mom wants a 10-tier castle princess cake and she’s paying, compromise. Go with the 3 tiers you wanted in the style you like, but negotiate that you place a glass castle on the table or the top, or a Cinderella carriage accent somewhere. Your parents are much more likely to help you get what you want if you also implement something to speak to what they want. If your the one who wants the 10 tier cake, and your parents will only pay for three or five, consider a smaller more lavish cake with some amazing flavor or design. The only time you get to say a solid no when your parents are paying, is when they are trying to turn it into a highschool reunion, neighborhood or business social. This is the only time you get to say “this is my wedding, and the people I invite are important to me and my spouse”. Of course if your mom wants her best friend there or dad wants a business partner or boss there, you may want to consider it, especially if these people have been in your life or have played an important role in it. Make it clear that you only want people there that you know well, that you trust and that hold a special meaning to you or your spouse. Let them also know that the fewer aquaintances at the wedding the less cost for the whole thing. Even mom and dad need to stay within a budget.
The first key to avoiding becoming the all terrible bridezilla, is to de-stress. First off, a bride needs to feed herself properly. Don’t skip meals and make sure your eating whole foods like fruits and vegetables. Get out for a walk, run or to the gym at least 3 -4 times a week, it helps lower cortisol and relieves stress. Find something to make you laugh, which also helps to reduce stress. Don’t make every minute you have free about the wedding. Set out time to do wedding planning in your day and stick to it. On top of all that, don’t forget why you are doing this, because you want to marry your partner. Set out time for date night or even just a nice movie and a cuddle.
Another thing that will help reduce stress is if you and your partner don’t have it on the list of what you want for the wedding or can’t agree on it, it doesn’t happen. The words “my wedding” have no place in a discussion between you and your spouse to be.
Badgering vendors retailers won’t get you anything good. If your too much of a demanding bridezilla, many will not work to give you a deal. They will not give you percentages off and may charge you more just for the trouble and guess what, unless they say it directly to you, you will have no idea that you have been left out of the loop on the fact that you are being charged more or missing out on a deal. The worse you make it for them, the less they will want to work for you and with you. It sounds horrible, but if you had to deal with a bride who demands deals or demands that something be done to absolute perfection, it will cost you, either a great deal or some money tacked on.
On the other end of the scale, a lax bride can be just as much a nightmare. This is your wedding and guidance is needed by your wedding attendants. Give them the colors you want and at least two lines that supply dresses in that color. Have a clear set of duties for certain attendants and try to get them a deal on their dresses. Also, this is your wedding, so be clear with your family, friends and vendors what you would like. Don’t settle just to satisfy others, this is your big day and you don’t want any regrets. Be sure to ask for deals or what specials/packages retailers or vendors can supply. Give them a good idea of what you need and be clear on what you don’t. Don’t hire anyone who can’t give you a contract or guarantee, this will only end in heartbreak if they don’t do these things. Meet your vendors too, so that you know there will be no personality clashes, as these can make life planning your wedding stressful when you find your photographer or caterer way too overbearing. Shop around and ask questions, you want the best for your money.
Remember, this is a celebration of your love and commitment to eachother, and you don’t want your planning or poor behaviour to ruin it for you or your spouse. Have fun, take time to relax and try to focus on not demanding, but asking and helping.
Now on to the actual planning part, sit down and write out what you require of yourself, your parents and your wedding attendants. Once you have made the list, look it over. Is your demands list just that? Unreasonable and unfair demands on those you love? Is your cousin, who you picked as a bridesmaid, going to look less flattering in that blue, short halter dress you want her to wear? You are reasonable in asking everyone to wear the same style dress, if you can in fact find one that suits them all. The key to this is empire or ruched waists, knee to tea length dresses, sweetheart or plain neckline with the option of straps is the best choice. It will fit nicely on the slender and full figured, as well as busty or smaller busted bridesmaids. Some women just can’t do a strapless, so respect this by finding a dress that straps can be attached to. Be careful with color too. Your going to want to look at color against your bridesmaids skin. Dark or green colors can accentuate flaws. If you selected a color that accentuates your sisters dark circles, try to be accommodating by having ivory or a soft color near the face that you can accent or do two part colors (I.e ivory bust possibly with your color choice as the detail, green skirt. Or an ivory ribbon, ruching along the bust to break up the color). Believe me, if you force everyone to wear the exact same dress, and exact same color and it isn’t flattering to at least one of your bridesmaids, it’s going to always be recorded in your wedding photos. Groomsmen are lucky because they get a white or ivory shirt to break up their vest and tie colors. Now if your request that your girls have the same shoes or even the same shoe color, it is your duty to find them their shoes to ensure you have what you want. If your asking for them to have ivory or some wild or exact matching shoe to the dress, it is fully on you to find it with them, as ivory and many shades or reds, greens, pinks and yellows are hard to find. Remember if you have specific demands on your bridesmaids, you may have to be responsible for helping them out with fulfilling those demands. The “you’ll wear what I tell you to wear” won’t go over well and you have very resentful bridesmaids.
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